


Equally Terrifying

by Rix_Writes



Category: Original Work
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Apocalypse, Death, Depressing, Gen, Nuclear Winter, Original Fiction, POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Original Character, Post-Apocalypse, Recording, Sad, Science Fiction, Short, Short Story, Suspense, again kind of, i think that's all the tags now, kind of, sorry for having so many haha, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27184210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rix_Writes/pseuds/Rix_Writes
Summary: Years ago, seemingly every major country cut loose and went to war, resulting in nuclear devastation the likes of which had never been seen before. Now, in a permanent nuclear winter, a young woman, alone, struggles to survive. When she finds a recording device in an abandoned home, she begins reflecting on her journey, and she's forced to ask some startling questions:Was it human nature that caused the end of the world? Or was it something far more insidious?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Equally Terrifying

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for choosing to read "Equally Terrifying"! I'm Rix_Writes, and I hope you'll enjoy the story! There will be a lot more notes at the end, be sure to check them out if you're interested!

It’s cold. Not that that’s a new feeling or anything. I like to remind myself that I’m still alive by reasserting these obvious statements to myself. These days, it’s easy to feel dead, even when I’m moving. Like I’m the walking dead. To think, that was our biggest worry back then. Zombies. At least it seems that I haven’t lost my sense of humor after losing everything else.

I’m in some sort of former town. Or maybe a city. I don’t really care what we used to call these places. It’s not like there’s any population to count anyway.

This is my usual routine. Going through places like this, scavenging, maybe holding out a tiny, tiny hope that I’ll find survivors like myself. I guess you could call it remarkable, how I still hold onto hope, after everything. To me, it’s just survival. Before all this, I was training to become a psychologist. That feels like a completely different world now. I remember one time we talked about hope. The professor told us that hope is what allows us to survive, it keeps us energized even in the hard times. I guess I’ve just kept that mindset.

I trudge through the snow and ice. The bitter cold hits my face, making my eyes water. To my right, I see a house, surprisingly intact. Usually small houses like this have all caved in. The ice gathering on the roof is usually what does them in, if the force of the bombs didn’t blow them away all together.

I make my way inside the house, prying open the frozen door with my trusty crowbar. I walk into what probably used to be a living room, a fireplace at the center of the left wall. Good. I can make shelter here tonight. Old bookshelves line up on each side of the fireplace. Even though I’m tired, and I’m mainly looking for food, I don’t want to look at the kitchen yet. I want to stay my disappointment.

I walk over to the bookshelves, looking them over. Just a few abandoned books, brittle to the touch. I make my way down to the bottom of the shelves, and then I stop. My eyes lock on this object, one from another world. Rectangular, gray, buttons dispersed all around it. I can’t believe it. A recording device. I grab it immediately, fumbling a little bit because of my oversized mittens.

With the tools in my pack, I manage to open up the back of it and remove its corroded batteries. Luckily, I keep quite a few batteries on me, so I put some new ones in. The screen on the front flickers to life. It actually works.

I look out the window. It seems to be getting dark. It’s a little dangerous, staying the night in a place I don’t know very well, but I don’t want to be outside when the Earth truly becomes a glacier.

I hold the newly working recording device in my hand—I have an idea.

After starting a fire in the fireplace and managing to find a few scraps of food in the cabinet, I sit in front of the warming fire. I take my oversized mittens off, keeping the other layers of gloves on. I can actually fiddle with the device now. I hit the button with the red circle.

“Test,” I say, my breath quickly becoming visible. The sudden rush of cold air into my mouth forces me to shut it immediately. It’s been a while since I’ve actually opened my mouth in that way. Drinking water and eating food is easy to do with a mostly closed mouth. I let go of the button, and then hit the one next to it labeled “play.” I hear my own voice. It’s different than I remember. At least I know it works now. I hit the button with the red circle again.

“Hello,” I pause. I don’t really know what to say. I don’t know what I’m doing. “I know you’re just a machine, but I still wanted to talk. You can’t answer me, but at least when I play my own voice back to me, I can pretend as though I’m having a conversation.”

I lean back against the wall of the house. This is going to take a while. “I want to talk about what happened.”

“I don’t know to begin this story, so I guess I’ll start with this. My name is Daniella Pontos. I don’t know what my age is though. Haven’t really been paying attention to the years. I was born in some rural town in Indiana. Or what used to be Indiana.

“I was in college when it happened. I wanted to be a psychologist, you know. I wanted to help people. Clearly, fate had a different plan.

“I’d be lying if I said I knew exactly what happened. Everything just went bad so quickly. I mean yeah, tensions had been rising between what seemed to be every country. The United States and Russia. North and South Korea. The UK and China. Just every country was mad at each other. And one day, I guess that anger boiled over.”

I pause, thinking back to the terror. To the explosions and the screaming. To my eyes watering in the smoky aftermath. Sighing, I raise the device to my mouth once again.

“It was an all-out war. Everyone was fighting and it was just so confusing, but most of us regular people just tried living our own lives. Our troops were fighting over there, on the other side of the ocean. That is, until Canada and Mexico started fighting too. All of a sudden, the regular people were also getting attacked.

“We couldn’t ignore the war anymore. I definitely couldn’t, especially after my college got bombed. Even though this was supposed to be a regular war, something felt wrong. I remember in the aftermath of the explosion at my school, when troops marched in. I never knew what side they were on. That wasn’t the weird part. It was their weapons. I’ll never forget how they looked. I’d never seen anything like those before. Not that I was crazy about the military before, but they didn’t look right. Who knows? It seems these militaries were pulling out all the stops, so maybe they were some secret tech they’d been working on, but I don’t know. I just can’t get them out of my mind, even after all this time.

“Anyway, things got worse and worse. Planes were shut down for us civilians and traffic was backed up everywhere due to everyone panicking about trying to get out of here. So, I was stranded in my college town. Luckily, one of my friends did happen to live there before they went to college, so I got to stay with them. Her parents were apocalypse freaks though. Had a bunker and everything. I thought it was stupid at the time, but in the end their paranoia saved us.”

I pause and take a drink of my water. All this talking has made me thirsty, no wonder I didn’t talk that much before. After putting the bottle back in my pack, I bring the device back to my mouth to begin again. “Soon after we bunkered up the bombs dropped. Nukes. You know, ‘duck and cover’ or whatever. After feeling the impact, we stayed in the bunker for a while. I don’t know how long. Eventually we had to leave though. When we emerged, everything had changed. The town wasn’t in awful ruins like some places, but the look was unmistakable. It was supposed to be the middle of spring. Instead, everything was white, covered in ice. It was like winter.

“I think what happened next is pretty self-explanatory, and to be honest, I don’t really wanna talk about it. We all stuck together for a while, scavenging for food and stuff. Since we were all stuck in this endless winter, we kind of assumed that the war was over. We never saw any soldiers again anyway. Yeah, we survived for a while. The conditions out here are so bad though. Too many times we’d find ourselves without shelter during the night, and that started picking us off. Soon it was just me and my old friend. Until one day she disappeared. We fell asleep in some old house, kinda like this one, and when I woke up, she was gone. She took her stuff with her, so I assumed it was on purpose. I didn’t know what happened to her for a few days, until one day when I was walking, I came across her body.

“She had a circular wound in her chest. I assumed she was shot. But who’d shoot a fellow survivor? I will say, the wound looked a little weird, not exactly like any gunshot wound I’d seen before. So lately I’ve been thinking that maybe it was an animal or something—it wasn’t human. I still don’t know why she’d leave me though. We had a greater chance of survival together. Maybe something lured her out there?”

I sigh, picturing the devastating sight in my mind. Seeing her dead, knowing that I’d now have to travel alone for possibly the rest of my life. I think the thought of my future isolation was even worse than seeing her dead body.

“Anyway, those questions don’t matter. From then on, I traveled alone. I’m still alone now. I’ve just been going from town to town. I don’t know where I am. Most signs are frosted over, and it’s a waste of energy to try and clear them. I still hope that I’ll find another survivor. I can’t be the only one, right? I mean, if I survived, other people must have too.”

I sit back, ruminating over everything. I never really think about the history of all this, not so completely, not like I’m telling a story to someone. It’s caused all sorts of memories to rush back to me in vivid detail. Memories of me sitting in class. Memories of me in the bunker. Memories of—

I jolt up, gripping the recording device tightly. I just thought of something. Though, now that I consider it more, it isn’t that important. But I’m not ready to be silent again. I want to keep talking, as though I actually have a companion.

“You know, after telling this story, laying out the history of what’s happened, it’s made me remember something. A little thing I totally forgot about. I mean, it wasn’t that big of a deal at the time and I doubt it is now. I guess it’s a little something that I can share, though.” I sigh, thinking back to the time before. “Growing up, I’d always loved space. I’d read up on what NASA was up to all the time. Well, I remember, it was just like a day or two before everything started going down. I remember NASA, or maybe it was some other space agency, I can’t remember, putting out some type of report about detecting some sort of object getting near Earth. I don’t think they knew if it was an asteroid or something else, and, well, they never really got the chance to find out.

“Maybe it was an asteroid. People started talking about seeing a shooting star around when that report was put out, but no one listened to them.”

I pause, thinking for a moment. Laying everything out like this has started making me consider a few things. Space. The weapons. The report. The crackpot theories I remember reading that now populate the back of my head. An old quote, something about how we’re either alone or not, I can’t completely remember it.

I look over to the fire. Still burning. My hope perks up. Maybe there’s survivors here, and they’ll see the smoke. I haven’t finished going through this place yet. I glance out the window. It’s pitch black now. No one could be out in that cold.

I think back to the craziness I was stirring up before I lost focus. Laughing, I pull the device close to me again, “You know, I was thinking of the stupidest thing. Or, maybe it isn’t. I don’t know. I’ve just been thinking a lot about the weapons again. And the report, and the accounts of seeing a light in the sky like a shooting star. Maybe I’m just working myself up. But I don’t know, maybe it really is true.

“Before the Internet shut down for good, I remember some people posted their stupid conspiracy theories about how this was some alien attack. Crazy, I know. I mean, if there were aliens, people would’ve seen them. But of course, the crazy conspiracy theorists always could work around valid concerns. They’d say stuff like how these supposed aliens could shapeshift. I mean, would that even be scientifically possible? It was just them restating their old lizard people theories but now calling them aliens. Apparently, all the world leaders were actually replaced by shapeshifting aliens. Please.

“But, I mean, I guess there could be some merit to that, right? I mean the weapons, the unidentified object in the sky? I don’t know. Still seems a little far-fetched. Either way, the world has basically ending, and I’m the only survivor I know. Maybe there’s more.” Maybe I just don’t want to consider this theory because that would mean we never stood a chance. Sometimes I like to think about how all this could’ve been avoided if we just chose peace. But if it wasn’t our fault...it would’ve always ended up this way. I mean, shapeshifting aliens? We wouldn’t be able to trust anyone.

My mind jumps to my old friend, lying on the ground with that odd wound. She went out there for a reason...no. That’s dumb. This theory is impossible. Just impossible. I thought it was a gunshot wound but it must have been an animal. Another survivor wouldn’t have shot her. Right? Or maybe it was something else that did.

I laugh, “Who knows, maybe the aliens survived too! Maybe they want to finish what they started.” Look at me, not even an hour of having this thing and I’m already talking stupid.

The laugh fades and I look at my fire again. It brightens the room, sends smoke in the air, makes me a sitting duck if anyone really did want to kill me. But it’s night. It’s too cold for someone to be outside.

I think I’ve done enough talking for tonight. Don’t want to use up all my words right now. I’ll talk more into the device in the morning. After making sure my recording was saved, I tuck the device into my pack. My fire is starting to look a little weak, so I turn to get out my makeshift fan to fan the flames.

Before I reach the pocket though, I hear a slight creaking sound to my right. Going deathly still, I strain to try and hear more. That was just the wind, right? My heart starts pumping, almost jumping out of my chest. Nothing should be out here. I’ve never seen anything out at night. Maybe someone could be out for like 5 minutes, but even that’s a stretch. It’s just too cold.

Another sound rings out in the silence, a thump. It sounds like it came from above me. Is something here? Is someone here? Maybe it is another survivor after all. But I can’t be stupid. Maybe it’s some animal that somehow managed to survive the outdoors at night. I take my knife from my pack, and slowly stand up. My head swivels side-to-side, seeing if I can catch a glimpse of anything around.

I see nothing but the kitchen being illuminated by the fire. I wait another moment, in this position, ready to fight against any threat. I hear nothing. I relax a little bit. It probably was just the wind. I turn back to the fire. After standing up I got cold, and I want to feel the warmth again.

Suddenly, I feel warmth. But not against my face. On my back. The warmth becomes searing as pain shoots through my body. I collapse, my back hitting the floor. The ground feels damp. I touch the ground near my back with my hand and, to my horror, my fingers come back red. I’ve been shot. I’m bleeding out. I can’t move my legs.

How? How could I have been shot? I didn’t see anyone. Who could have shot me? Is this really how it’s going to end for me? Killed during an apocalypse I hardly understand? Killed by a coward who shot me while I had my back turned? I’ve envisioned my own death many times. I always expected some form of hypothermia or even old age to be the thing that kills me. I never expected this. I can accept that I’m going to die—a necessity in a world like this—but I refuse to accept not knowing how or why I died. I can feel my energy leaving me very quickly, which means I only have a little time left. If it isn’t the blood loss that will kill me, it will be the fact that I have no more energy to stay warm. I’ll freeze. Unless the person who shot me finishes the job. It’s only really been a moment since they shot me. Why haven’t they shot me again? They must still be here.

If I’m gonna die, I want to see who killed me. I use all of my remaining strength to crane my head up, so I see slightly behind me. It’s there that I see it. The gun. Even seeing it upside- down, I know that this is the weapon I’ve never been able to get out of my mind. This is the closest I’ve ever been to it. It’s pointed straight at my head. It looks just as wrong as it did the first time I saw it.

My eyes move upward, scanning my attacker. In the light of the fire, I can see them perfectly. They’re unmistakably human. I don’t have the strength to ask them why they’re here. Why would they kill another survivor? Please don’t say I’m going to die over food. How did they even get here? How did they get that gun? All questions that die in my throat.

Unmistakably human. I guess everything is our fault after all. No scapegoat to blame this time. Alone, we have destroyed ourselves. Or maybe not. I think back to the crackpot theories. Maybe we are more helpless than we ever imagined. Without warning my mind flits back to trying to think of that quote. I still can’t think of it.

I realize that the attacker still hasn’t shot me yet. If only this was an opportunity I could take. I want to plead with them, ask them to please let me live. But, who would I be appealing to? Unmistakably human. Or, maybe, mistakenly human. In these last moments, I yearn to know who my attacker is. Is the culprit of my impending murder an unstoppable alien force or cruel human nature? I flash back to everything that has happened to me. The human race is essentially dead, and I don’t know what’s worse. Either we died because of something we have absolutely no control over, or because of something we have complete control over.

An undiscernible look goes across the attacker’s face, and they shoot. I feel something pierce my skull. All I can do now is watch and wait. My attacker turns and starts walking away, their figure beginning to blur as my vision fades. I watch my attacker leave, unsure if they even took my pack or not, and my own blood pools around me, I finally remember the quote—“Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again! Thanks for reading! This is my first time publishing anything like this, so it's pretty nerve-racking. If you'd be so inclined, I'd love to hear your feedback! Whether that be a comment, or a kudos, or a message (can you do that on this site? idk), I'm happy to hear it! Though about comments, I do have comment moderation on. Not to try to create a bunch of yes-men in my comments, but more so if I somehow get brigaded or something, I can make that not happen. 
> 
> I wrote this story in July for a competition (kind of). Now that I'm planning on writing some short stories for National Novel Writing Month this year, I wanted to publish this one before hand as a kind of preview for what is to come (if I have time to even write those stories that is...) 
> 
> This is far from my favorite thing I've written, but I really like parts of it, which is another reason why I wanted to share it with the ao3 world!
> 
> Well, that's about all for me. Again, I hope you enjoyed reading, and thank you for doing so! Until (hopefully) next time!


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